Saturday, January 21, 2006

Delahunt in Negotiations for "Long Term Truce" With al Qaeda [Parody]

Sources close to US Rep. Bill Delahunt (D-MA) have said that the Massachusetts congressman is close to a negotiated "long term truce" between al Qaeda and the state of Massachusetts. Discussions are reported to include the most senior leadership of al Qaeda, including Osama Bin Laden himself. While it is not clear whether Delahunt has had direct contact with Bin Laden, sources familiar with the negotiations say that "trusted intermediaries" with contacts on both sides of the war on terror have set up channels to facilitate this seemingly unlikely communication and peace effort.

Delahunt's office has remained mum on the matter, alternately refusing comment and saying this is a "sensitive time" for negotiations which could ensure the long term safety of bay state residents. According to one insider, the major sticking point is whether or not a dirty bomb or nuclear attack on New York could adversely affect Massachusetts residents with fallout or other pollutants that might drift northward into New England. Others within the Delahunt camp expressed confidence that while a catastrophic attack in New York remains highly unlikely, even in the event of an atomic explosion the vast majority of the pollutants and radiation would be absorbed by Connecticut and New York itself. "Its a calculated risk", said one Delahunt insider. "It is clear that Bush and his cronies are losing the war on terror, and this is about ensuring the long term safety of Massachusetts residents in a sensible and diplomatic way. Its time to stop thinking in terms of war, and start thinking in terms of peace."

Massachusetts junior senator John Kerry yesterday dismissed the notion out of hand: "Osama Bin Laden is a killer and a terrorist, and we will hunt him down and kill him. The notion that we would negotiated a truce with the killer of thousands of innocent Americans, the mastermind of 9/11, is absurd."

Kerry was on hand for a Cambridge meetup of a group called "Iraq Veterans Against the War" (IVAW). This group of returned and returning combat soldiers from Iraq is gaining political clout and has started to field a considerable number of Democratic political candidates who also served in Iraq. It is expected that their service in Iraq will lend credibility to the Democrats' traditionally soft stance on defense issues, and ultimately turn back the tide of US imperialist aggression. "Our mismanaged occupation [of Iraq] has inadvertently created a new front in the war on terror", Kerry went on to say. "The war on terror cannot be won without the successful transformation of the Greater Middle East, and especially its Arab core. We obviously need to show a greater openness and understanding of the Muslim world. If one way to do this is opening diplomatic talks with the enemy - yes, even al Qaeda - to achieve a lasting peace, then it is something we need to consider. Any option that leads to peace should be on the table, and under a Kerry administration I think you'd see a much more nuanced and open foreign policy which accepts the reality that all wars end in a negotiated truce."


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